Stay-At-Home Parenting: A Big Decision
Let’s be slow to
judge.
For many parents who stay home with their children, the
decision isn't always an easy one. You must weigh the money and the
satisfaction you get from your job and figure out whether it's worth the
necessary sacrifices – and there can be many – to stay home and care for your
child yourself.
After reading many articles and interviewing stay-at-home parents,
I have a broader view of how and why these choices are made. For some, it is a purely economic decision. For others, it is a lack of good childcare
options. For still others, it is the desire
to be the one attending to their child's day-to-day needs.
If you ask any stay-at-home parent why he or she does it,
moms and dads alike say they value the chance to share their child's
developmental accomplishments, along with the security of knowing they are in
charge of their child's care.
”It’s important to both of us [spouse, sic] that the kids
have a parent at home.”
“They’re mine so I don’t want to pay someone else to spend
the day with them. “
“I always knew I wanted to be a stay-at-home parent.”
Those were some of the answers given to me as to what
motivated some of my interviewees.
What are the
advantages of being a stay-at-home parent?
You will be your child's caretaker 24/7, ensuring a relaxed
and nurturing environment. You will be there for all those "firsts" in
your child’s life, which is sure to be incredibly satisfying.
For some families, it is actually less expensive for one
parent to stay home than to pay for childcare to allow both parents to work
outside the home.
If you can afford it, you may find that staying home reduces
your stress levels. Many parents decide to stay home after trying – unsuccessfully
- to balance work and family. One mom listed not having to dress in work
clothes as a perk to staying home and another listed the freedom found in a
more open schedule.
Staying home will give you more time to spend with your
children, maintain your home, and help keep your family life running smoothly.
What’s not to like –
So what are the disadvantages?
For some people, loneliness tops the list. When asked about
the struggles faced as stay-at-home parent, one mom responded, “loneliness, and
feeling of not accomplishing anything, ever.”
Stay-at-home dads may feel doubly isolated because there are
so few of them and sadly, gender stereotypes persisting even today can inflict
a lot of social pressure.
Changing diapers and tackling endless loads of laundry can
be – will be! - boring and frustrating. You may have to look hard for a sense
of accomplishment or satisfaction in repetitive and seemingly menial tasks.
Additionally, finding time for yourself when
you are home alone with an attention-seeking baby or toddler can be next-to
impossible. Time management in regards to self-care, relaxation, or general
everyday life was listed as the top struggle in my interviews.
And while you won't be shelling out thousands of dollars
each year for childcare, choosing to stay home is a complicated economic
decision. Many families with a stay-at-home parent find they have to budget
carefully and devote more time to bargain hunting than before. “You might have
to substitute camping trips for hotel vacations, cook at home instead of eating
out regularly”, stated one stay-at-home dad.
Negative public opinions of stay-at-home parenting are not a
new thing. Many stay-at-home parents feel that they are perceived as a sort of second
class citizen, a lazy non-contributor to society with an abundance of free
time. Some feel under-valued with their efforts going largely unrecognized.
No matter how you look at it, staying home with a child is a
big decision, and one that should not be viewed negatively. It is an honorable use
of time, energy, and skills. These parents sacrifice much in order to stay
home. These sacrifices should not be
discredited, go unnoticed, and least of all be dismissed as being of no value.
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