I found this article amazing titled 'Pride and Prejudice'. It is about stay at home dads. I am posting it as my last entry before tomorrows project finally. Enjoy and stay tuned.
Pride and Prejudice
Since I’m hanging up the diaper bag as a SAHD (at least for now), I though it would be a good time to write about the prejudices that SAHDs face every day. People have gross assumptions about men and how they take care of kids. This by no means has been helped by the film industry with movies like “Mr. Mom“. Recently there was also an article published by Time Healthland that disparaged SAHDs by concluding that the divorce rate was much higher in this group, when actually it was unemployed (not by choice) SAHDs that had a higher divorce rate. I think people, and I hate to say it but especially women, need to understand that men can do as good a job at raising children as women do. In fact, in some cases SAHDs may be better (Just ask Vicki. She’d be the first to tell you that she’d go crazy doing what I do on a daily basis.)
I think that one the most common comments I get when I am out with the kids is “You have your hands full!”, or “Dad’s day out, eh?”. When I hear these comments I want to turn and tell the person, “look, I work full time from home and take care of 2 kids, and they are thriving, so keep it to yourself bub!”, but I usually just say something like “every day is dad’s day out!” The other day, one woman put me over the top. We were at the zoo, where most of these things seem to happen, and we were walking across the brand new bridge to a new exhibit. I was pushing the stroller which was acting as a very convenient diaper bag holder since it is 90+ degrees out, and as always I was wearing Maisie while Cecilia was walking close behind me. Now this bridge is about 30 or so feet above a creek bed that is filled with foliage, and this grandma said “I hope she does not fall through, someone should watch her more carefully!” The lady was there with her kids and grandkids, and I was fed up. I said, “Look, this bridge is brand new, built to code, and is in a place where kids are expected to run freely around. THEY CAN’T FALL THROUGH!”, and just walked off. She looked a bit dumbfounded, and she should for making such an asinine comment. I bet she never would have commented if I was a women with my two kids!
I think the biggest problem with our society today regarding dads as primary care giver is that people assume that we are doing it because we have lost a job. The article mentioned above in Time Healthland displays this perfectly. The study that the author referenced only refers to men who have lost a job and are forced into a position where they are taking care of the kids when they would prefer to be working and providing for their family. Needless to say, the men who did not choose the role of SAHD are likely to be dissatisfied with their position. The article uses this study and erroneously concludes that all SAHDs are dissatisfied. However, I and many others have chosen to take the position of stay at home dad. I know this is just speculation, but if a women lost her job and was forced into the role of a stay at home parent, I would wager that the findings would be similar with respect to dissatisfaction and divorce. All this study tells me is that an unhappy parent is not a good parent (or a good spouse for that matter).
I also feel that when dads are alone with their kids, people treat our kids differently then they would if a mother was present. Just last week I was at the zoo (again with the zoo!) with the kids. As usual Maisie was sleeping on me in the wrap. As we were walking, an elderly woman noticed Cecilia and mentioned that she was adorable. Then she noticed that I also had a baby in the wrap on my chest. What did she do with this new found sensory data? She walked up to me, said “Ohhh and you have another one here!”, and proceeded to try to pull the wrap from the baby’s face to see her! I stepped back and said very sternly “She is sleeping”. At this point most people might apologize or just walk away, but she actually stepped forward again and tried to pull on the wrap again! At this point I warded off her hand and said with a strong hint of anger, “No, She is sleeping!” She still did not get it, so I just started walking away. People do not do things like this to mothers with their kids, at least not as much. Yet it happens to me all the time. But really, why would someone think this is totally appropriate, especially to do this to a complete stranger! Mom may be a mama bear protecting her cubs, but I am a freaking sleeping giant…. Don’t mess with me. I tend to ignore most things like this but something are going too far and one can only stand so much.
So as I hang up my diaper bag and retire from the SAHD world, I’m a little bit sad that I’m not continuing to break down barriers and stereotypes about fathers as primary caregivers. I do promise, however, continue to fight the battle as a weekend warrior!
I think that one the most common comments I get when I am out with the kids is “You have your hands full!”, or “Dad’s day out, eh?”. When I hear these comments I want to turn and tell the person, “look, I work full time from home and take care of 2 kids, and they are thriving, so keep it to yourself bub!”, but I usually just say something like “every day is dad’s day out!” The other day, one woman put me over the top. We were at the zoo, where most of these things seem to happen, and we were walking across the brand new bridge to a new exhibit. I was pushing the stroller which was acting as a very convenient diaper bag holder since it is 90+ degrees out, and as always I was wearing Maisie while Cecilia was walking close behind me. Now this bridge is about 30 or so feet above a creek bed that is filled with foliage, and this grandma said “I hope she does not fall through, someone should watch her more carefully!” The lady was there with her kids and grandkids, and I was fed up. I said, “Look, this bridge is brand new, built to code, and is in a place where kids are expected to run freely around. THEY CAN’T FALL THROUGH!”, and just walked off. She looked a bit dumbfounded, and she should for making such an asinine comment. I bet she never would have commented if I was a women with my two kids!
I think the biggest problem with our society today regarding dads as primary care giver is that people assume that we are doing it because we have lost a job. The article mentioned above in Time Healthland displays this perfectly. The study that the author referenced only refers to men who have lost a job and are forced into a position where they are taking care of the kids when they would prefer to be working and providing for their family. Needless to say, the men who did not choose the role of SAHD are likely to be dissatisfied with their position. The article uses this study and erroneously concludes that all SAHDs are dissatisfied. However, I and many others have chosen to take the position of stay at home dad. I know this is just speculation, but if a women lost her job and was forced into the role of a stay at home parent, I would wager that the findings would be similar with respect to dissatisfaction and divorce. All this study tells me is that an unhappy parent is not a good parent (or a good spouse for that matter).
I also feel that when dads are alone with their kids, people treat our kids differently then they would if a mother was present. Just last week I was at the zoo (again with the zoo!) with the kids. As usual Maisie was sleeping on me in the wrap. As we were walking, an elderly woman noticed Cecilia and mentioned that she was adorable. Then she noticed that I also had a baby in the wrap on my chest. What did she do with this new found sensory data? She walked up to me, said “Ohhh and you have another one here!”, and proceeded to try to pull the wrap from the baby’s face to see her! I stepped back and said very sternly “She is sleeping”. At this point most people might apologize or just walk away, but she actually stepped forward again and tried to pull on the wrap again! At this point I warded off her hand and said with a strong hint of anger, “No, She is sleeping!” She still did not get it, so I just started walking away. People do not do things like this to mothers with their kids, at least not as much. Yet it happens to me all the time. But really, why would someone think this is totally appropriate, especially to do this to a complete stranger! Mom may be a mama bear protecting her cubs, but I am a freaking sleeping giant…. Don’t mess with me. I tend to ignore most things like this but something are going too far and one can only stand so much.
So as I hang up my diaper bag and retire from the SAHD world, I’m a little bit sad that I’m not continuing to break down barriers and stereotypes about fathers as primary caregivers. I do promise, however, continue to fight the battle as a weekend warrior!
No comments:
Post a Comment